Digitalpoint-Forum.com

i posted a question last week about "what should i do about my husband and his daughter?" for some of you who read the post you already know the issue so i will not explain too much again. i also posted that my husband's daughter was already mad at her father for not giving her any money as usual, it is an issue every friday and he already pays child support. i mentioned that when she call every friday and he says he dosent have it because we have to pay bills and we are getting our new home, she gets mad, scream, yell at him and hungs up the phone in his face. she is mad with him the whole week until the next friday. so last week she said something to me that hurt my feelings so i cut myself loose from her becasue her father and i got into an argument about it and he did not want to displine her so i cut all ties and left her alone. he call her last wendsday to see how she was doing and the phone call went like this....( to be continued).i did not hear the conversation, but my husband told me what she said after he got off the phone with her and this is what she said " you dont spend any time with me, you dont have time for me". that is not true and i know this for the simple fact because she gos out to eat and shopping with us every other weekend. she is just saying that becasue he will not give her money everyday, bring her wing ding dinners, subway, kfc or whatever she wants whenever she wants. she is 14 years old. so now iam thinking that her mother has planted these things in her head and now she resents me and think that iam taking all her father's money. so when he told me of this i said " i told you before that your daughter wants to spend time with you alone without me, but you dont want to listen, take every other whole weekends with her and every other whole weekends with me." he gets mad as hell with me and that what started that arguement between us. why does my husband gets so mad at me?my husband has gaunishments, child support and pension coming out of his check every week and we have bill to pay including my money so how can we make it if her and her mother thinks that all of his money should go to her and his daughter? his daughter is very rude and nast to adults and i dont want to be around her anymore because i will not take her mess like her father does. so i just cant figure out why he dosent want to go out with his daughter alone? something is not right? if i will not go he will not take her anywhere unless iam with them. iam giving them their space but my husband just dosent want to take it.i totally agree with yeahright answer. listen, iam so tired of you people trying to make the new spouse look bad and put the stepkids on a high pestal. it is not our fault that they choose to marry us and not stay in the same house and help their mothers raise them. i will not kiss that girls ass and try to be a step mother to her any longer. for the record i have told my husband time and time again to spend some daughter/father time alone with her and he refuses to so i cant make him. right this is not my fucking problem it is his and hers and i will not take it. he has a reason for not being with her alone and she needs to grow up and stop using her father. he had two stokes, two nervous brake downs because of her and her mother! he is sick and not feeling well sometimes and then he has to put up with that shit. no more miss nice new wife i dont give a fuck anymore. "your the adult" yeah and she needs displine!i just asked a simple question as to why he will not spend time with the girl alone and you all are blaming and judging me, that what yahoo does when it comes to child support and stepkids issue. the situation would be different if all of you were in it. kids need to be treated tough and not nicely all the the time. that is why they act like that becasue most parents treat them so lightly. if all parents were tough with their kids their would be more respect toward adults. i blame my husband and her mother for that child being that way. dame straight she has a mother and father and neither one is not me so i dont own her anything. i will tolerate my own when i have them but no shit from someone elses kids, in fact i will not tolerate mess from my own, my child first off with not be raised to be spoil and thinking that the world owes them anything. wait until she gets out in the world and be around real people they will teach her how to respect adults.

ask him fankly coz its rude

He's all upset because has no idea on how to handle his 14 year old kid and she's calling all the shots while he remains clueless.

This is not your problem primarily find something to do when she is around.....suggest he take her to a counselor this is the age where you make or break it and I'd hate to see this girl continue to grow up feeling unloved and uncared for.....we are products of what we allow to penetrate our beings...this young lady hasn't had a stable ground to stand on....your husband has to do what is best for her without your presence....time not money are needed here...quality time....

I agree with free ang......he relies on you, he's not in control with his daughter, has no idea how to be or how to take control of the situation, she's 14, hormonal, influenced by her possibly vindictive mother. Of course she's going to be a total pain in the rear. I'm sorry you are in this situation, because your hubby needs to just bite the bullet, get over his fear (of screwing up, cause it's already happened anyway) and just go spend some time with his daughter. Tell him to pick her up and take her to the movies and lunch, and that he will survive and he might not say the right thing, but it will be OK, once he does it once, he will realize it really isn't that hard. The 14 year old needs to know she is important to her Dad, and from her point of view, she's low on the totem pole. She wants him to spend time with just her, she wants him to set money aside just for her, in my opinion, she's not really asking that much. He should NOT tell her that you and he have bills to pay, because all she hears is that NEW WIFE is more important. She's only 14. To her, paying child support is a non-issue, it's not showing that she is important, it's state mandated. He needs to figure out ways to show her that she is important, in a way that she can understand. Hope he's up to the task.

I agree with the others. Your husband is in a tough position here because he's your typical weekend dad who wants to spend quality time...yet still has to set boundaries for her behavior. Right now, she's somewhere in between scared kid and spoiled brat.I didn't understand the thing about him being with you one weekend and her the next. If he's got her on weekends, for now anyway, it's obvious she has to be the priority.

Don't blame the ex-wife for "planting ideas" in your stepdaughter's head. My husband's ex has no problems with me, and his youngest still said things like your stepdaughter is saying. It's the age, and nothing more. They turn into hormonal, angry, irrational beings at about this age, whether they are with both natural parents or if the parents are divorced. My stepson knew that all he had to do was start to cry and tell his dad that he never got to see him when he was growing up, and my husband would feel so horrible and guilty that he would give my stepson whatever he wanted. It actually took up until a year ago, when my stepson was 20, and my husband and I ended up in marriage counseling, that my husband finally realized what this kid was doing to him. Basically, I had been telling him this for years, but it took one simple sentance from the counselor for him to go "yeah, your right."One thing I do agree with is that it's important for your husband to spend time alone with his children, but at the same time, it's important for his daughter to know that you are a permanant fixture in his life, and that you are not going away. If she's with you every weekend, then plan one day out of the month for the two of them to do a father/daughter activity. At the same time, maybe you should plan for a stepmom/stepdaughter day also. Take her to lunch, go shopping, get your nails done...you know "girl stuff". You have an advantage in that you are both girls, so you have that in common. My stepson and I have very little in common, so it's been a rough road getting close to him, but we actually have a pretty good relationship.You have to remember that you are the adult, and when your stepdaughter says something mean and hateful, you have to let her know that your not going to tollerate her speaking to you like that, but at the same time you need to assure her that she is just as important to you as her father is. Believe me, I know how hard that is, but you have to do it. You have to be the bigger person. She's at a very awkward age--still basically a little kid, but at the same time bordering on becoming an adult. You have to start treating her like an adult, but remember that she still needs reassurances like a little kid. I read an article in a magazine by a child psychiatrist who said that teenagers push people away because they are testing the adults around them. They do everything they can to make themselves difficult to live with, because they want you to prove to them that you love them. They want rules and discipline, even though they scream and complain about how you treat them like a child. It made a lot of sense to me, so I tried to keep that in mind when I married my husband. It's very hard for kids with divorced parents, because there is that element of abandonment. My husband was married to another woman after his first wife (with the kids) and before me, and he had lived with 2 other women that didn't work out. My stepson's mother is now divorced 3 times. I'm sure he thinks that marriages are disposable, and I don't want him to believe that's true. That's why my husband and I were in counseling--not because of the kid, but because we hit a rough patch, and my husband's answer was to cut and run. Among many other reasons, I wanted to stay and work it out because I didn't want my stepson to think that this is how you handle a relationship when things get a little tough.

o, yeah, sounds very familiar. i have a husband who has 2 daughters of his own. when a younger one was 14 y.o it was exactly what she was doing. and if i weren't that smart as i am she probably would wind her father around her finger the same way as your sppoiled little brat step daughter did to her father. honey, she is having him for a guilt ride. explain to your weak husband that. tell him he pays child support, he doesn't own his daughter anything. this little spoiled brat was doing exactly the same to my husband. i told him to ask her kindly go and f'u'c'k' herself and forbade him to spend a dime on her. guess what - it took her just a few months to calm down. now she doesn't call, doesn't demand anything. well, at least she doesn't do it at the time he is at home after work. she is 16 now. so be firm, tell her shut the f'u'c'k up her little spoiled yap and go and molest herself. she has a mother, mother gets child support, case is closed. good luck dear